Ok.. I'm not talking about the levels of mercury, or how to dispose of them. Although that's another problem on its own.

I'm talking about installing energy efficient light builds in the WRONG room in the house!!! You married men know what I'm talking about. It's the inappropriate use of a fluorescent bulb (for a host of reasons) that causes marital bliss to go awry.

Let's start with some real world examples:

This last summer, as the Texas heat drove my utility bill beyond alpha centauri.. I got the bright idea to replace EVERY SINGLE light bulb in my house with a version of a super efficient, eco friendly, compact fluorescent bulb. OH YEA...I bought round ones, spiral ones, candelight ones, recessed lights, flood lights, super flood lights and the mother of all bulbs.. the megatron 1000 outdoor, weather-resistant, tornado-proof 200 watt back yard monster. Armed with a pickup full of bulbs, I was ready to conquer this beast...

Let's ignore the fact for a moment that my wife looked at me with the "have you gone totally insane, there goes the kids college fund, drain our lifes savings on a 10 year utility cost savings plan look"... I was in control. Mistake number one!!!!

My first stop...Installing one single 60 watt, resonable facsimile of a normal bulb in the "powder room" bathroom, which is located right next to the back door leading to the garage. Clearly, this was the optimum location for an efficient energy alternative... Who in their right mind uses this bathroom (which has no exterior windows) for anything other than washing their hands prior to dinner...

Little did I know that I had taken the first step to upsetting the natural balance of family bliss which had been so prevelant for that last decade in our home..I had, in fact, violated one of the fundamental principles of compact flourescent light bulb physics...

Principle Number 1) The colder the air - the longer it takes the bulb to reach optimum visable light. Case in point..When the house is 65 degrees farenheight, an average single 60 Watt compact fluorescent light bulb takes 35.9 seconds to reach usable light effectiveness.

Compare this to the following bathroom activities:

Average time it takes someone getting burned by the kitchen stove to turn on the hot water 5.2 seconds, NO WAIT..average time it takes to switch to cold water, 15.2 seconds..

Average time it takes someone to BANG their head into the bathroom mirror to remove a stuck eyelash 3.6 seconds...

Average time it takes someone to REALIZE the toilet seat is still up upon entering the bathroom.. 10.2 seconds, of which 9.1 seconds is the reaction time after landing in the water.

Average time it takes a 9 year old boy to "hit the mark" after running into the bathroom, directly from the car, having been at the park all day drinking sports drink.... 36.0 seconds!!!!

Average nights of sleep on couch.. for clearly bone-heading principle number 1.. ... 5 nights....

Obviously, I had made a small tactical error...easily corrected by implementation of my back up plan... replace the single bulb light fixture with a 2 light bulb fixture, installing one normal incandescent bulb. and one compact fluorescent bulb :)